Thursday, 28 February 2008
On the subtlest and the bluntest level.
Had my life entirely been like this, one long dreadful inquiry into whether things were going the way I wanted? Have I taken the possibly foolish step when I bare you my heart god-damned three years ago? I am telling you I had been hopeful.
I could not figure out where I stood. Was that some kind of a game you thought funny and that I would be dead chaff you play? The lightness of your conversations made me seem somehow vulnerable. There was a silence before sleep washed over me last night during which it occurs to me that I might have the unpleasant power to ruin this affair that had been going on in my head. I don't want to be hidden away in a life studded with you, your name and your presence that was supposedly to be mine. I am not hating you, friend. My petulance seems childish.
I felt harassed by the fact that you used me or my name to get your love across in an underlying means. I refuse to ride along and this is more likely a point beyond I feel an unquestioning uncertainty between us. I am more intrigued than insulted.
I am going through a sticky patch with myself, perhaps. What's gone wrong repels you.
Saturday, 23 February 2008
It's harder to keep it to myself. I wish time would be on my side. This is so cliche' I should stop it now.
Thursday, 14 February 2008
the other advantage of writing everything down
you thought you were in it
the truth slapped you hard on your face
leaving three red lines on your cheek
and leaving you wounded at night
it stings your heart
you cried, such a flood of tears and sobs
you shivered in your shoes from insecurity
there are too many
it became confusing
i am not going to be able to clean this up
Tuesday, 12 February 2008
Life's rich tapestry
I find myself keen to take to the skies and leave the past perplexing weeks behind last night when Fatin appears, puts on a smile on my face and made me breathe in the good air that has always been hovering around but was disguised in an unpleasant kind of existence.
She might just have the sixth sense because this is the third time I hear her voice or find her writing me a text message when the day is knackering and the weather is taxing.
Her presence is like icing on the cake.
Friday, 1 February 2008
I was figuring it all out. My conviction would confirm what I had long suspected-that I was just not cut out for the last bit of the truth.
I am not being flippant, aren't I? I thought it was too much. I was a little melancholic but not completely without some justification. I won't talk about it. I thought I don't have to and, unless it persists.
One thing for sure now is that I could feel indignation oozing from the pores of my skin. You were so blunt that it was like you were whispering furiously to my ears.
